


Pick Up The Pieces

by lilili123bella



Category: Kill Your Darlings (2013)
Genre: Beat Generation, Inspired by Poetry, M/M, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-01
Updated: 2014-07-01
Packaged: 2018-02-07 00:56:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1878948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilili123bella/pseuds/lilili123bella
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"We wear our hearts as armor-<br/>with this, we will be free."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pick Up The Pieces

_"I give you fair warning before you attempt me further,  
I am not what you supposed, but far different."_ \- Walt Whitman.

\----------

Allen sat in front of his typewriter, fingers hovering above the keys. He had been sitting like this for what felt like forever, rereading the few lines that he had written. He just couldn't find the words - he wanted to express every molecule of his bleeding heart on this page but the words engraved on it wouldn't translate.  
After a while, he heard a soft knock on the door.  
"One second!" He yelled as he quickly ripped the paper out of the typewriter and hid it under a stack of loose papers on his desk.

Allen opened his dorm door to reveal Lucien's devilish smile and piercing blue eyes staring back at him.

"Oh hey Lu," Allen smiled, flustered.

"You busy?" Lucien asked.

"Ah, no..." Allen said sheepishly.

"Then come on, Ginsy. Let's go do something." He smirked as he grabbed Allen's forearm and pulled him out the door.

\----------

They ran down the hallway until Lucien stopped abruptly before running into his own room, pulling Allen with him.  
"Wait, Lu, I didn't realize running a few feet from my room to yours counted as 'doing something'" Allen laughed.

"Relax, Ginsy. The party hasn't even started yet." Lucien said as he picked up a bottle of wine and hid it under his coat. He gave Allen another one of his suave smiles as he turned to leave the room, knowing without a doubt that Allen would follow right behind.

\----------

The two boys walked to Riverside Park and sat down on the grass. Lucien took out a pack of cigarettes, put one in his mouth and handed another one to Allen. He lit Allen's for him, then his own. Taking a puff of smoke and exhaling he sighed and said "I saw David earlier today. He said he was going to stop by my room tonight. I told him I didn't want him to come, but I know he will..." He leaned on Allen's shoulder "I just really don't feel like dealing with him tonight."  
Allen shuttered at Lucien's touch. He looked around, nobody else was in the park. He felt a sudden confidence as he wrapped an arm around Lucien, placing a hand on the small of his back, praying that Lucien would not shy away from him.  
"You can stay in my room tonight if you want to." Allen said.

Lucien turned his head to look directly at Allen. "You'd do that for me?" He asked sincerely.

"Of course I would, Lu." Allen replied.

"Thank you." Lucien said, his voice lacking the suave undertone it usually possessed. Instead his simple reply of "thank you" resonated a sense of pure genuine nature.  
The pair laid there in silence for a while, taking in each other's company.  
"Were you writing?" Lucien asked softly.  
"What?" Allen said, not because he couldn't hear Lucien, but because it was the only way he could think of responding.

"When I came to your room-" Lucien continued.

"Yes. No- I don't know, Lu. I haven't been able to actually get anything down on paper."

"First thought, best thought." Lucien smiled up at Allen.

"Yeah, well it's easier said than done." Allen put his head down on the grass.  
Lucien lifted his head off of Allen's shoulder and sat up.  


_"I celebrate myself, and sing myself,_

_And what I assume you shall assume,"_ he recited softly. 

_"For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you."_ Allen continued. 

"Yes, Ginsy!" Lucien smiled, standing up. _"I loafe and invite my soul,_

 _I lean and loafe at my ease observing a spear of summer grass."_ He continued, his voice now strong and echoing through the park.

"Are you going to recite the whole thing? Because the poem is pretty damn long ." Allen laughed.

"I could go on all night, Ginsy." Lucien smirked as he sat back down beside Allen.  
Lucien gave Allen a cocky smile as he took a swig from the wine bottle. His eyes met Allen's and his face softened. "Allen, just do what Whitman does. Let all your barriers down and make the writing sing."

Lucien's words sent a jolt of energy through Allen. Allen so desperately wanted to kiss him. In fear of rejection, Allen looked at his watch instead. It was only nine o'clock. Lucien would say it was too early to head back.  
"Lu?" Allen said, not really knowing what he would say next. Lucien turned to look at him. His blonde hair creating a halo-like effect against the night sky. His face looked so soft, so innocent. Years of hurt and sadness covered by a mask of an innocent boy. Allen saw nothing but beauty in his face. To Allen, Lucien was pure poetry.  
Allen reached down and held Lucien's hand in his. They both forgot about all their troubles for the time being. At this moment in time, the world was wide. After a while, the pair both drifted off to sleep.

\----------

The next day Allen crumpled up what he had previously written and put a fresh sheet of paper in the typewriter. He recounted his night with Lucien and began typing furiously. The words flowed onto the paper.  
"First thought, best thought." Allen whispered to himself as he typed away. The sky was dark when Allen finished writing. He held a confidence in his manner as he made his way down to Lucien's room. As he neared it, he could hear the familiar sound of Brahms' _Symphony No. 3_ flowing down the hallway. 

He entered to see Lucien laying on his mattress, Yeats' _A Vision_ balanced on one knee.

"Lu," Allen said. "I have something for you."

Lucien put down his book. Allen handed him the folded piece of paper.

"What is it?" Lucien asked.

"Read it." Said Allen.  
Lucien unfolded the piece of paper and began to read aloud;

 _"Pick Up The Pieces;_ dedicated to Lucien Carr." He looked up at Allen, touched. He continued to read;  
 _"The innocence is shattered,_  
 _gone from this world._  
 _I see the scars,_  
 _a map of pain on your soul._  
 _We cannot change our fate_.  
 _We are beyond redemption._  
 _But share in my wounds,_  
 _that we may heal together, or lose together._  
 _We wear our hearts as armor-_  
 _with this, we will be free."_  
After Lucien finished he kept staring at the paper. Finally he looked up at Allen with tears filling his eyes.

"You wrote this for me?" He said softly.

Allen nodded.

"Allen," Lucien said as he stood up and began to walk towards him.  
Allen blinked, gaping, not sure what to say to the person whom he had just poured his heart out to.  
Lucien stepped closer, only leaving an inch of space between them.

"You're the only one who really gets me, Ginsy." He said, reaching his hand out to meet Allen's.

Allen stepped closer, their faces now so close they could feel each other's breath.

Allen put his hand on the back of Lucien's head, threading his fingers through his blonde locks.  
Lucien tilted his head down, Allen leaned in, and their lips finally met.  
It was a sweet, soft kiss at first. Innocent. It soon grew in passion, a kiss of two people who have felt such longing for one another. A kiss of final satisfaction after waiting so long.  
This is the poetry the two had been trying so hard to write.  
Finally the pair pulled apart, desperate for breath.  
Allen looked down at his feet, scared that Lucien might be mad that he kissed him, scared that he would reject him.

"Allen," Lucien said softly. "Allen, look at me."

Allen met Lucien's eyes and he smiled. A genuine, happy, carefree smile.

"That was my favorite thing you've ever written."

Allen shrugged sheepishly. "Well, your Whitman themed pep talk inspired me."

They both giggled.

"And what we just did right now, I think I would count that as poetry." Lucien smirked.

"Yes." Allen replied "I think we should write some more."

"Right again, Ginsy." Lucien said as he leaned in once again.

**Author's Note:**

> •The quote from Walt Whitman at the beginning is from his poem _Whoever You Are Holding Me Now in Hand_.
> 
> •The poem recited by Allen and Lucien while in Riverside Park is Walt Whitman's _Song of Myself_.
> 
> •The poem _Pick Up The Pieces_ that Allen writes for Lucien in this story was not written by Allen Ginsberg, it was written by me specifically for this fic.
> 
>  
> 
> _Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction created for enjoyment purposes only. I do not receive any profit, and I write in my own free time. This is based off the 2013 movie "Kill Your Darlings", the characters portrayed in this story were real people but are portrayed in my own fictional perspective. As far as I know, none of the events I have created in this short little story ever actually happened._


End file.
